WHATS WRONG!? I DON’T KNOW!

Either I’m falling apart, or moving to another level in my career.

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I’m hating all kind of work, music, graphic, web design and everything else that I know. not that I’m complaining. It’s just that I’m not at my best.

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I didn’t write much this month, didn’t work much and didn’t composed any music..

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To be honest, I am not doing anything while I have loads and loads of things waiting to be done.  I am just not.. and there is NO reason!

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I’m not happy, I’m not sad, I am not mad at any one! really! I’m just not working! and the guilt “coz i’m not working” is really killing my time. -For example i’m writing this article and listening to a song on youtube- And trying to fight myself not to feel bad about the project that i’m working on. trying to work on.

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I’ll try to give it to you as exactly as I feel at this instant, I FEEL NOTHING. not a single thing. I know I got a lot of work -but I dont really know what is it..- . I know i’m demotivated. and I know this is not right. so many people told me to start managing my time, my plans BLA BLA BLABLABLA9281ew6d3opujf4 b4fcujre984yeh2ugh <—- that means I don’t want to write what have been told again. boring.

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This is how bad it is:-

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* I sent an email to “Apple.com” asking them to stop screwing with my mind with their advertisings! -ok, I love mac. I don’t want to buy it.-

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* I posted The Lahmeh song on my blog’s Facebook page. yea. meat.-

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*I bought a new ash tray.. dont ask.

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*I started to turn off my cell phone. not that anyone would call me. just to bother Umniah.. I DON’T KNOW HOW. I just don’t want to win a half million$. I just hate to think about that any more. I don’t win. period.

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* I keep on thinking on how the food I’m eating would look if I would throw up after an hour…

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* I’m searching for a ‘real’ reason why I cant cry no more! and when did I stop! what happened!? I don’t like not crying!

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*I got naked in the bathroom for half an hour doing NOTHING but jumping. I dont have a reason why. and.. I didnt shower.

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* I keep imagining that I have a knife. and I kill my turtle and that he can talk and begging me to let go of him. and cry.

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*I don’t like head and shoulders -shampoo-, its so annoying to wash your head with it when your bald. the menthol thing makes me wanna cuss..

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* I turned down 3 employment offers. and the messed up part is… I DON’T KNOW WHY.

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I’m going to stop now just to be polite to you. But it has been 2 weeks..  right after my birthday. my 24 birthday.

And tonight I’m going to the movies, I’ll watch a movie that I didn’t watch its trailer. I need something to surprise me… really surprise me..

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P.s: I don’t wanna have a girlfriend. shut up.

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