I am not happy.

A while ago, I was between “the change and the no change” confusion state in my personality, I wanted to be different, I wanted to be more like me than the person who is showing. not that i dont like this person, it’s just that I was not happy.

For a while, I thought that my unsuccessful story begins with my studies, my attitude, my looks, and my luck.. I was wrong.

I thought that money comes if you work hard enough, and if your worth a dollar, you will earn a dollar.. I was wrong. Some people have millions, but they don’t worth a nickel.

I thought if I hide, build a project, then show what I have to be big and remain big -is the right way, I was wrong. You cant make the rules, You play around rules and adjust towards them, not create your own. big difference. success is about setting priorities in times and stages of your life. a failure now that gets you closer to success is better than a success that leads you to a failure that you can’t get out of in the future. and please stop making Bill gates as an example. we -not me, and not you- will be billionaires like bill gates. again,  Please! don’t be Bill gates. you are not.

When they tell you that “X” now is a millionaire, and that he started from scratch, they don’t tell you details, and our mind stops there -In the being millionaire state, or the impression that is drawn in your mind towards him-. and you start thinking of a way of how to be like him. Please don’t think this way. It doesn’t work this way.

I thought that love is a state of mind, you chose the best time/person for it, weather to get married, weather to feel that silly thing that you can’t explain, feel it with full passion. I thought that “the right time” is a time I chose. I was wrong. Time pass, and I grow up. I fall in love. I don’t decide to jump in it.

Again, I thought that I was a wise man.. and i’m about to swear that this time I got it. I was wrong. It is not about me being wise or not. There are no absolutes. Its the quality of people around me. I can’t walk with a 12 years old girl and say I’m wise and experienced.  and for the last 2 months, I am feeling very stupid.

Last month, I went to 16 countries… I saw huge difference in the way people live, think, different cultures..  and we -arabs- are 100% wrong. We are not the best people in this planet. guess what! we are not even close. I know now why we are called the “third world nations”.. there are millions of countries that is way ahead of us, hundreds of years, and this is not a joke.

Guess what? I really appreciate them. They have worked so hard to get there, and they have the right to be proud about it.. and we think that we’re better? why?

I’ll tell you what I think, We are NOT better than NO one! we cant be. Not just because of your religion it means that your better than me -In this living world-.

Mohammad “PBUH” said: ” Work for your life as you live for ever, and work for your after life as you die tomorrow.” We don’t do neither, and we’re so fucken proud.. really, why?

I’ll tell you an example of what i saw in Switzerland:

A very beautiful country, green lands, blue waters, very dark soil, forests, its like heaven on earth.. blue skies as much blue as their eyes, very warm yellow sun as yellow as their hair color, and a civilization that is hundreds of years ahead of us.. the minimum rage is the best of the worlds best countries, towers.. bridges.. ocean.. beaches.. factories.. forests.. government.. security.. peace of mind.

I closed my eyes for a second. I remembered غابة ملك مملكة البحرين .. The only Forest Jordan has.. and was sold to the king of al Bahrian.. not that I am mad at him, I am sure that it doesnt matter if I am. but… never mind.. it’s just a thought. and guess what…! we didn’t build Petra.. the world 7th wonder, but still so proud! WTF REALLY!

I remembered what they said about “the great ambitions most countries of the world have over Sudan..”, I will tell you something, and for the love of god, Please believe me… NO ONE has ambitions over Sudan… Just go see their countries and you will 1000% understand.

anyway…

I decided a couple of decisions:

1- I will quit smoking on the 1st of August.

2- I will  change. I will not be very friendly any more. Welcome to my serious part :)

I know I will lose some people, but today, and right now, I know and believe that I am not happy. I wish I can be. and the reason that keeps pushing me of changing is that I don’t have a reason of being unhappy. but unfortunately I am.. and I am not complaining.

I have came with some piece of wisdom and would love to share them:

- A man hiding in the night, another man is being a knight. Both are unhappy. you choose the game and choose what kind of man are you.

- If you choose to play. Played and lost. Play again, but in a different strategy. Good players always win. -even in play station.

-  Rights and wrongs are always variable . Your right can be absolutely wrong to me. and might the only right in my way tomorrow.

-  If you hide from the truth, it doesn’t prevent you from being afraid. you cant hide the sun in your hand, however, you can hide it from hurting your eyes.

- Insecurity is the worst part of it all.

- A lie is better than an ugly truth sometimes. a lie sometimes can be your only hope.. and a truth can be your farest fantasy.

- If there is plan, it will -mostly- fail. just go with the flow. when your experienced enough to make a plan, do it and take the risk.

I wish you happiniess and luck.

In a week time, I will announce a very important news. :))

Be well and safe

Maher